While beginning to read this book, I am reminded of Hal Clement'sfamous scientific fiction novel of the same title Through the Eye of a Needle, for the prequel to the book, Needle, broke new ground in the science fiction field by depicting a symbiotic relationship between an alien life form living within the human body without hostility. The fiction depicts the relationship between the alien and the human body. This book by Ignatius Fernandez is very much real, not fiction, and very much on transforming ralationships, fulfilling an all important need of social life today, ?how to manage and transform relationships?? In a globalised village society, the number of relationships created and killed in a day is proportional to the degree of competitiveness and aspirations needed to flow with the objective of amassing wealth. This book is a well written piece, with author having attempted to make each and every reader co-author of the project.
In the book, Ignatius presents a paradigm shift: ?The onus is on me, and not the other person, to make the relationship work. I must be agreeable. I must be attractive enough for the other to want to relate to me?. According to the author, if this shift is accepted and made a premise for all relationships, everything else will fall in place. In fact, the rest of the book aims at convincing the reader the significance of this paradigm shift. The book tackles all relationships, including those of work, family and friendship, and explores the aspects that either builds or threatens these relationships. The book has reflected all aspects of the art of interpersonal relationships.
The author has tried to retain the focus on ?how to? aspect of building and engaging in relationships, much to the delight of readers, explaining the facet of relationships, where one constantly sends and receives emotions as we engage in human interactions. It is the exchange of emotions that the author feels determines the success of each successful relationship, at work as well as home. The best part is the positivism and the self-esteem that one feels while reading the book. As one reads, one becomes newer and stronger.
The book is divided into two parts. The Part I is on ?The Basics of relationships?. Understandably, it delves on general features of all relationships, making a moral foundation for shifting the onus of building and sustaining relationship to every individual, that is, me. At times, this part is very much on a preaching mode, visualising a society of all good men. The chapters on ?People First? and ?Talking without Speaking? provide good examples of problems that individuals create for their realationships.
The Part II is on ?The Specifics of relationships?. The best part of the book may be the twelfth chapter, ?The Child is the Father of the Man?, which focuses on parenting and need to shower love on children. The chapter on ?The Truth Begins with Two?, has very good story, inspiring the readers to invest on relationships without actually thinking of immediate returns. Every help one does has a promise of return, and not really immediate return. It is this feeling, one has to live with to continue helping people.
On the flip side, all the chapters are filled with exercises and quizzes, the author making the point clear in the beginning that the ?reading this book will be waste if the exercises are not attempted?. While a few exercises definitely help in reacting and understanding the situation, there are far too many.
In an attempt to make the book more interactive, the author at times fails the readers in looking at the broader picture by stressing on exercises. The book often generalises many of the emotions and does not capture the plurality of emotions. The emotions of joy, happiness, love, anger, guilt and even parenting have different meanings and different shades depending on the experiences of different groups and communities. They do not necessarily refer to a stable set of feelings over the history and geography. The book has not been able to locate these emotions in a cultural milieu. Many parts of the book look at readers as objects, at the same time attempt to provide readers the co-authorship. The amalgam of prescription from moral platform and at the same time attempting to build a theory on relationships, which too based on a universal sequence, visualises the human being as a singular phenomenon, and all relationships as identical.
The book provides a very interesting reading, if the readers are able to align with author'sexperiences and thought. And the onus has been put on the readers to make that investment on the ?relationship with the book? itself. In that sense, it will become too heavy for readers. The prescriptive mode may sound irritating at times, similar to a child'sfeelings when parents bring in moral arguments to ?discipline? the child. Otherwise, the book has innumerable quotes and anecdotes, and could be even termed as book of quotations on multiple themes. The book also provides the students of relationship management, lessons on relationship.
(Sterling Publishers, A-59, Okhla Industrial Area, Phase-II, New Delhi-110 020.)
