Friendship is not knowing more people, but knowing more about the people you already know
Swami Narasimhananda
Clicking into your Facebook account and browsing through the timeline, you come across those unnecessarily necessary photographs that your friends, their friends, and their friends—the chain is endless—have taken all the time and labour to post on their timeline. You think it would be a waste of their energy and a great insult to them if you don’t see them. You check the tags, go to the connected profiles, and wonder if you know the friends of your friends’ friends. You are so relieved that at last you have been of great use to humanity and that you have not let go the hours of imperative effort of your great friend circle go waste after all.
Great! Though you have been busy charting the course of your friendship—regardless of its meaning—did you notice how many times you have ignored the calls and requests of your parents? Do you remember how much you have ignored your siblings and have ignored their invitations to chat or play? Did you notice the new eatery that has come around the corner of your street? Did you notice the bird that has so laboriously built a nest in the cornice of your building? Did you notice the dog that has been bruised by a speeding car and is loitering around your locality for many weeks now? No, you haven’t noticed any of these. Why? Because, you were busy noticing the photographs of someone, wait a minute, you don’t even know that someone, and by now you have no clue about that person’s ‘About’ in the Facebook profile!
Friendship doesn’t grow with the number of your mouse clicks. It grows with compassion. It grows with patience. It grows with empathy. Friendship grows with the attitude and readiness of sharing. This sharing could be time, resources, and pure love. Take some time off your busy schedule of Facebook time, go to the nearest tea kiosk, have a tea and chat with the vendor. Know about the vendor’s life, problems, and business. While on your way back, don’t miss to notice the half-naked boy running along the pavement, while his parents are away from their ‘home’ in search of money. See the squirrel skirting the nearby tree that is in the middle of the pavement. Stand still and see how it scurries repeatedly from top to bottom of the tree in search for food.
The phrase ‘stillness speaks’ would acquire a completely different meaning for you when you stand still by the roadside and watch the hustle-bustle of the road. Zoom in the cameras of your eyes and see each person in detail, see what that person is doing, see their actions, and that observation will teach you what scores of books can’t.
Friendship is not knowing more people, but knowing more about the people you already know. Instead of doing hard labour sitting on your chair and clicking on strange pictures and getting swallowed into an intricate web of never-ending connections, know your own people, those who care for you, who live with you, and share your experiences, your joys, your sorrows, and wish all well for you. Listen to them, listen to yourself, know them, and know yourself. Don’t be in haste. Lack of patience and perseverance is the epidemic of the present-day society.
The litmus test of friendship is the question: Who would you go to in a crisis? Or who would you support in their crisis, no matter what situation you yourself are in? This question defines who your true friend is. And these friends need your time and ear. They need your heart too! So, instead of rationing time to these true friends and spending it freely on online friends, be with people who matter to you, with people to whom you matter. And they are not just friends but your family, your elders, your teachers and guides. When is the last time you dropped at your teacher’s house? When is the last time you met your guide, who helped you grow up? If you have lost them, it is probably good time to find them, and for that you can use Facebook!
(The columnist is a monk of the Ramakrishna Math and Ramakrishna Mission and the editor of Prabuddha Bharata)
