Halal Sweets vs Haram Sweets

Published by
Dr Govind Raj Shenoy

That time of the year is here again. The only time India wakes up to pollution, apart from the dangerous health hazards of Deepawali sweets. As usual, the Courts have taken the lead by imposing a total ban on crackers in Delhi. Well begun is half done. More Courts and organisations are expected to join the fun. For Hindus, Deepawali is like a “Game of Thorns”, season after season. Each season is getting tougher than the preceding one.

It’s a game where every Marx, Mullah and Missionary comes up with thorns to prick the fun out of Deepawali festivities. The aim is to de-Hinduise Hindu festivals and dehumanise Hindus so that the “Idea of India” can continue to thrive. “Game of Thorns” is the greatest show in India. As we know, the Courts have made an auspicious beginning by banning crackers. Crackers used during Deepawali are more dangerous than the weapons being used in the Russia versus Ukraine war. In fact, they are deadlier than a potential nuclear war between the US and North Korea.

From a Bollywood star’s dog to a Cricket player’s duck, every celebrity animal or bird suffers because of the “Darr Ka Mahaul” or “Climate of fear” created by Deepawali. Fortunately, these animals are insulated against similar adverse effects of fireworks during celebrity weddings, Christmas and New year. That is the beauty of “Game of Thorns”. It is a truly secular game.

“Game of Thorns” isn’t limited to fireworks. It also involves festivities, fun, frolic and food. Food plays an extremely important role. Our “neutral” media joins the fun. We get to know about exotic Turkish sweets, different types of Kebabs and a number of such sumptuous and delicious food items during Eid. During Christmas, we are introduced to all those yummy cakes, pastries, wines, meat delicacies and such wonderful gourmet’s delights. Come Deepawali, and we’re warned about the horrible, fattening and diet-buster Deepawali sweets we must avoid to stay healthy. People writing these articles are truly concerned about the health of Hindus.

The “Idea of India” mooted by Nehru is about perpetuating the great Mughals’ unquestionable legacy. The leading lights of Ad-world work overtime during Deepawali. “Tyohaar”, “Riwaaz”, “Rasm” and such egalitarian words drip out from the advertisements and Deepawali becomes “Festival of lights” or “Jashn-e-Chirag”. The models, too, appear in suitably sombre, mourning moods with progressive attires bereft of Hindu symbols like “Bindi” and “Bangles”. Gaudy, bright Hindu colours are replaced with sober and classy Mughal looks. In the blindingly dark brightness of all the “Jashn”, we are bound to forget Deepawali is about Naraka Chaturdashi, Devi Lakshmi Pooja, Bali Pratipada and the return of Sri Rāma to Ayodhya.

More and more emerging narratives are suggesting Deepawali isn’t a Hindu festival. It never was a Hindu festival. There is a parallel narrative running concurrently. Like Rakhi, Holi and most things about India, Deepawali too was a gift of Mughals. Celebrated as “Jashn-e-Chirag”, Deepawali was originally a Mughal festival

By this time, average Hindus will be restrained from deploying fireworks by Court orders and are sent on a guilt trip by celebrity dogs. Advised to avoid those dangerous Deepawali sweets, Hindus will be left with mere rituals or, more correctly, “Rasm aur Riwaaz”. Now is the time for real Game of Thorns players to feel their presence.

JNU scholars and Periyarites will enlighten us with “Gyān”. Narakāsura was a Dalit King who was slain by Brahminical, upper-caste Krishna. Bali too was a people-friendly Dalit King cheated by Brahmin Vāmana. How can we forget Dravidian King Rāvana dethroned by Āryan Rāma? And what about Devi Lakshmi Pooja? That is only for the rich and influential Brahminical society. What are the poor and lower caste people going to celebrate? Lakshmi Devi is a symbol of oppression, who favours concentration of wealth among chosen Gujaratis like Ambani and Adani. Hence the “have-nots” have no business celebrating a festival of the “haves”. Thus entire Deepawali becomes a Brahminical conspiracy against the Dalits and backward people. That is where Hindus are supposed to forget they are Hindus.

Thanks to great scholars and Historians like Vetrimaran and Kamal Hasan, we now have come to understand the Chola Kings were not Hindus. They were Dravidians. So all those magnificent Temples of South India are not Hindu Temples. Deepawali is celebrated with great fervour in the Temples of Tamil Nadu. But since these Temples are not Hindu Temples, Deepawali too, cannot be called a Hindu festival anymore.

More and more emerging narratives are suggesting Deepawali isn’t a Hindu festival. It never was a Hindu festival. There is a parallel narrative running concurrently. Like Rakhi, Holi and most things about India, Deepawali too was a gift of Mughals. Celebrated as “Jashn-e-Chirag”, Deepawali was originally a Mughal festival. Hence the Hindus should have absolutely no claims over Deepawali.

Game of Thorns isn’t a single-player, single-level game. It is a multi-player, multi-level game and is a continuous process. Seasons merge to create a round-the-year soap. Anyone can play this as long as they can add something to the narrative. That “something” could be anything that can further the narrative. Like Tamils are not Hindus, Lingayats are not Hindus, Kshatriyas are not Hindus, Jats are not Hindus, and Dalits are not Hindus. The players can continue to play and win accolades if they can add a new thorn in the flesh of the collective Hindu conscience. The ability to shout down dissenting voices is an added advantage for a good player.

The ultimate aim of “Game of Thorns” is to prove Hindus aren’t Hindus and establish that Hindus don’t exist. The “Game of Thorns” show goes on despite resistance. How long can the Hindus resist?

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