In Defence of JNU

The famed Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) is in the news yet again and for all the wrong reasons, like it has always been. The JNU Students versus Delhi Police war has brought the worst out of everyone. The Liberals are condemning the Police, Modi, Shah, RSS, Central Government, Israel and Trump. Hindu Right wing is lauding Amit Shah on Facebook and trending hashtag #ShutDownJNU on Twitter. Subramanian Swamy has called for shut down of JNU for a couple of years to get rid off the “Leftist Scum”.

 

 

Looking at the JNU imbroglio from a neutral perspective, we cannot afford to demonise an entire University for the behavior of some people. It calls for an open minded analysis before we come to a conclusion. Before we condemn the JNU students en masse, we must understand just 99% of the JNU Students bring bad name to the remaining 1%. We must begin our analysis from this understanding.

 

 

Contributions of JNU scholars can never be underestimated and they should not be. We would never have known Savita Bhabhi, the famous porn queen of the world of porn-toons was a Gujarati middle class lady if not for the in depth research conducted by JNU scholars. How poorer our understanding of the universe would have been if this University had not enlightened us.

 

 

JNU has excelled in historical research. No, not research in history but historical research. All their research has been historical stuff. They have “made” history. We all were misled by Ramayana to believe Comrade Ravan was born to a Brahmin father. Only because of the hard work of JNU scholars, we came to know Ravan was an oppressed, Dravidian, Dalit ruler and Ram was the Aryan Supremacist aggressor. Comrade Ravan would have remained the perennial villain if not for the fact finding missions run by JNU Comrades.

 

 

Comrade Holika, the sister of a Brahmin King Hiranya Kashyap was a Bahujan by birth in reality. She was burned to death by the Brahminical Patriarchy that has always been the bane of India. Without this historical research from JNU, we would have continued to believe Holika was burnt while she tried to burn Prahlada. Atrocities against Bahujans, especially Bahujan women would have gone unnoticed but for the yeoman (yeoperson in politically correct language) service rendered by JNU scholars.

 

 

A poor tribal youth was unjustly slaughtered to death by a prostitute sent by upper caste people in ancient India. That is how the martyrdom of Mahishasura was unraveled by JNU scholars. Almost entire India worshipped Durga, the killer of Comrade Mahishasura. It required intervention of JNU scholars to give Mahishasura the recognition he was denied by the world of Brahminical hegemony.

 

 

Restoring the glory to Mahabali, the benevolent Dalit King assassinated by a cunning Brahmin Vamana too was a successful project of JNU. Though they borrowed the idea from the Kerala Comrades, world came to know about the sad story of Mahabali thanks to JNU. The world is growing richer and richer in knowledge because of the JNU scholars. The importance of this fact cannot be stressed enough.

 

 

Frogs in the well. Yes, that is what the Indians were, before JNU opened the window to the world before India. How many of us knew about “The importance of African bulls mating during pre-monsoon season in preventing global warming” ? The revolutionary finding that “Somalia suffers from hunger because the Brahmins of India waste food during their religious rituals propitiating their long dead forefathers” has opened the eyes of entire world. That was the reason Jack, the CEO of Twitter carried a placard “Down with Brahminical Patriarchy” when he was in India.

 

 

JNU scholars haven’t just researched and re-written ancient history but they have come out with pathbreaking findings about more recent history too. They have immense respect for teachers. That’s why they love Afzal “Guru”. His death left them with deep scars and they are waiting for Afzal to take birth in every household. Their humanitarian concerns spread way past all human considerations. Yakub Memon, Ajmal Kasab and all those wronged by Brahminical tyranny are dear to the JNU Comrades.

 

 

The Right wingers criticise JNU as a den of Arts and Humanities junk. But they aren’t lagging behind in Science either. Scientific research hasn’t been left behind by JNU scholars. They invented the “Semen filled balloons” during Holi. They also pioneered in the technology of differentiating videos as authentic or tampered by mere naked eye examination. A famous JNUSU (JNU Students Union) leader did a practical research on the “Impact of flashing the male genitalia in front of a female student” and the results were published widely in national media as well as social media.

 

 

JNU taught us “Pakistan didn’t kill our soldiers, war did it”. Profundity of knowledge emanating from JNU is not quantified yet. The depths of such knowledge may require not just digging but extensive excavation to reach to the bottom of it and yet, we may not find the depths it has plummeted to.

 

 

JNU is the epicenter of all the liberalism in India. They don’t condemn love, they just condom it. Love permeates through the atmosphere of JNU. Love for Kashmiri terrorists, love for Palestine, love for Khalistani separatists, love for their brethren Maoists and love for anyone or anything against the oppressive Brahminical India.

 

 

Once inside the haloed JNU campus, they just fall in love with it. They love it so much they just won’t leave the campus for years together if not decades. JNU is the finest example of the adage, “There is no age for learning”. It is the only place in the world where a grandfather, father and son or grandmother, mother and daughter can be students together. While it could rarely be found elsewhere, such things are commonplace in JNU. Some people say, a 47 year old scholar from Kerala has been hardly studying in JNU since 1989.

 

 

Race, age, religion, caste, region and gender; none of these divisive issues matter in JNU. All are equal as long as they don’t claim to be Hindus, especially Brahmins. Political liberalism is the foundation on which JNU stands. Hence there is a lot of space for dissent. There is space for every voice as long as it isn’t against Communism, Islam, Kashmiriyat, Pakistan, terrorism, Minorityism, Maoism, Naxalism and other such lofty ideals. JNU has always maintained a fine balance in allowing space for dissenting voices. They have actively promoted Kashmiri separatists, Maoists and Islamists. On the other end, they also have aggressively isolated the Right Wingers like Vivek Agnihotri, Baba Ramdev and even the President of India because he belongs to the obscurantist ideology of RSS. The idea behind such balancing act is prevention of clashes between ideologies. When mutually inclusive ideologies like Marxism, Maoism, Islamism, Wahabism and Separatism thrive, segregation of conflicting ideologies helps in maintaining peace and turning the place “Peaceful”. With the inconsiderate government implementing a massive 30 fold hike in hostel fees, the poor students were left with only two options. Either quit their studies or fight for their rights. They chose the harder path and decided to fight. Their iPhones, high end Androids, SUVs, designer dresses and other fancy accessories for company, they decided to protest against that inhuman Rs 290 hike in hostel fees. Delhi Police didn’t scare them. They were ready, even to take on the President of India.

 

 

JNU scholars know their economics too. The students are protesting against hostel fees hike to save our sinking economy. What does the Modi Government know about the importance of Rs. 290 ? It can buy 20 Goldflake Kings cigarettes (10 Rupees balance) or 1 Liter of Old Monk Rum or 16 Durex Ultra-thin Condoms, apart from a lot of other things like Burgers and Pizzas. In these days of economic slowdown, the Government was further damaging the economy by hiking the hostel fees. If the poor students spend all their money on hostel fees, how will the poor cigarette vendors, liquor shops, condom vendors and burger shops survive ? There lies the true story of patriotism of the Leftist students of JNU. They’re striking not for their money but to save the nation from economic slowdown.

 

 

Finally, analysing all the things in combination, it would be grossly inappropriate to call for “Shut down JNU”. India perhaps needs to learn from the Leftist haven China. Though Tiananmen square like action isn’t exactly warranted, we have to understand the place is infested with pests, insects and worms. Hence fumigation with Insecticides and Pesticides is the need of the hour. Pyrethrin spray, DDT, Factamphos, Furudan, Harpic, Tortoise Mosquito coils, Good Knight liquidators and Black Hit can be used for extermination of pests. 4000 Kilograms of Albendazole can be used to flush out the worms. After all these measures, if some resilient pests and worms persist, we can drop a 1000 Kilogram “Made in Israel” Spice bomb on Ganga Dhaba like we did at Balakot. After all, there is not much of a difference between Balakot and JNU. Both have been manufacturing indoctrinated pests inimical to India. Education is important. So we must save JNU. Shutting down JNU is not the solution, exterminating the pests is.